Analects of Blue

23 May 2006

One of My Favorites

One bright day in the middle of the night two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise and went and shot those two dead boys. Now if you don't believe this lie is true ask the blind man, he saw it too. (I think I memorized that in second grade.)

22 May 2006

Smurf's Bathroom

So I was standing in the same bathroom that I complained about several times already when a thought hit me (well, more like snuck up behind me and tapped me gently on the shoulder), "This bathroom is just like Smurfs old bathroom, only cleaner."

19 May 2006

Lethal Injection, Firing Squad, Staphylococcus Aureus?

Choosing which showering stall to use is rather akin to choosing which form of capital punishment I prefer. Does it really make any difference? The result is the same - death. Or in the case of the shower stall - a nasty disease. I swear, all of those shots that the military so famously administers are NOT to prntect us from local nationals of the exotic locales we visit, but to keep us from a slow and painful death from a disease contracted in the showers. Next time I'll bring baby wipes.

18 May 2006

Due to some technical issues (which have hopefully now been resolved) I missed another episode of 24 (I hope one of you recorded it). What happened?

The Coolest Game Ever

Imagine playing laser tag or paintball with several hundred people on your team, your opponents are intermingled with 2500 actors living in villages throughout a play area that covers thousands of acres of forests and swamps, you use real rifles (with laser adaptors), there are tanks, apache helicopters, simulated bombs, and hospitals and warehouses that you put up yourselves (even "rehab" hot tubs). Then imagine that you get paid to play it. Yeah, this job rocks!

13 May 2006

Life is Beautiful... Or at Least I Am

With the sweltering heat of the day and the freezing
cold of the night, and the hail storm and the tornado,
and the mosquito infested swamps and the blood sucking
officers, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself the
other night. I started wishing that I were somewhere,
or even someone else. Then I saw myself in the mirror.
Wow! Im gorgeous! Why on earth would I want to be
someone else?The good Lord sure did a fine job when he
put me together.

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10 May 2006

A Typical Day

Today I checked weapons out to soldiers, dug trenches, and prepared our tent for a tornado that never quite made it this far east. The rain was a nice respite from the heat. The outhouses are like little sweat boxes, I swear I lose a liter of water before I even sit down.

09 May 2006


Seriously, nothing keeps me straighter in life than having to share a dirty, nasty, disease infested toilet and shower point with hundreds of filthy, sweaty, jock itching men. It's so gross!

Stupid Phone

I just typed a big long message, but my stupid phone deleted it. So, to summarize: it's hot and humid as hell down here, I filled sandbags today. I issued rifles to people and now I'm going to bed so that I can be up at 0530. What happened on 24? How do you spell sup(p)ress?

08 May 2006

Being a Soldier is Cool!

I missed my flight this morning. Now the whole group is sitting in Dallas waiting for me. It's a good thing people like me. Otherwise I'd be in big trouble. Speaking of people liking me, I forgot how much people love soldiers. Random people stop to tell me how much they appreciate my service. It makes me feel good to remember what I'm doing this for. It.s fantastic!